I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
