if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
