I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
