I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
