Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
