Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
