Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
