Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
