Soap is not a condiment
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
