It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
