I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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