What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
