if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
