Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
