just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
