Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
