i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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