that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
