just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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