he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
