Apparently you make a good broom.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
