I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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