I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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