Do you still have your period?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
