You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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