Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
