have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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