I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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