Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
