there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
