You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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