So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
