I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
