Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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