I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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