Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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