Me too!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
