Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
They have beer where we have blood.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
