It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
