Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
and you fell through a lawn chair
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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