I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
