All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize