I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
