I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You took a bar mat shot.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
