I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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