my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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