Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
