Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
