Don't make out with my wife yet
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
