Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize