If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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