mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
