maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I look better un-naked...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When are your genitals available?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
