I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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