i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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