i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I pour the whiskey from now on
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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