Duck Duck Cougar?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
