Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What drink are we having for lunch?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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