Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
