I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Randomize