I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
