so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
