I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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