That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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