Buhtt sex?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
