happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
