you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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