I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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