we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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