Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize