He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
