Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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