I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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